but i'm NOT a runner

I just got back from a 1h45min thinking run. From the first step to the last I was wondering if I could ever really be a runner or do I just want to keep running.

Earlier today I was contacted by a rather good athletic club. They would like me to represent them when I run. In return I would get coaching and help and access to competitions that I normally couldn’t enter. My name would appear in rankings and statistics and anybody could see the rate, at which my shoes were hitting the ground during my last marathon or semi-marathon.

For years now, running has been something I do for myself. I set my targets, I decide on my training or not training, I choose when to participate and when to stay at home. I spend lots of time on the road and I go fast or far or both – depending on my mood. I don’t have to answer to anybody or feel like I will let someone down if I don’t do well, make progress. I like running around aimlessly even if that doesn’t give me a medal or my face on to the back pages of a newspaper.

I am afraid that if I say yes to this people I will stop being lucky enough to run and instead I will have to run. And what if I simply am not fast enough? Is there a risk that my running shoes will become my worse enemy?

I don’t think I am a runner.