My grandma died last night. This was expected – she was already old and been fighting cancer for a long time – but still a shock. I can’t say I have been good at visiting her during the past years, because I was always “so busy” when I visited Finland but also because I thought I will have time later – she had been there all my life so why would this ever change?

I try to think that it is better this way. All her life she had been independent and strong. Still a year ago she quite happily flew to her house in Spain all by herself. She had enough spirit and attitude for a little army – too much to be spend in a hospital bed. Someone like her is just not meant to helplessly lie and wait.

Like all fighters she too had let bitterness and anger get into her heart. Nothing was ever good enough. She never approved of my gypsy life. She was disappointed because I didn’t ever become anything real – just an economist and not a doctor, a lawyer or an architect. No matter how hard you tried it just wasn’t good enough, not to her.

Last time I went to see her she asked me if I’ll come to Finland after my degree – because I should. She also told me to watch out for the French men; because they are trouble – that is an advice I wish she had given me much earlier – would have saved me from yet another broken heart. She also told me to look after my brother. And my mum. So I suppose that in her way she tried to make sure that nothing bad would happen to us and that we would have it all.

If there ever was a fighter she was that one. She was a one and a half meter giant – pure strength and character. I would be happy to have just half of that temperament – it would take me far. If only…