tears...

I was going to write about my holiday in the north and Finnish guys who get drunk on milk but something made me change my mind – maybe I write about that tomorrow.

I got an email today, with a song. I was told to listen to this song carefully – to pay attention to every single word. I did, and I cried. And I still am crying.

8 years ago, when we were 16 and on top of it all, one of our friends died. One morning she just didn’t wake up. She had just started in a new school, made it into a new skating team – she was getting there, chasing her dreams and almost catching them. And then, suddenly, for no reason, she was gone. And this song is about that, about her, and the injustice of it all.

I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it. It was so big of a shock to everybody and just too much to handle. I saved the newspaper article, published just after her death and other little things, but they are locked away and I never have a look at them. Never. I have never gone back to her grave and I know I am not the only one.

Then, tonight, I was listening to the guys rapping, and every word hit like a knife. What they say is so true – there is no better way of explaining the time, the feelings, the frustration – everything.

There are things that stay with you, no matter how hard you try to forget. And usually those things, at least for me, are the ones I just can’t handle, something I can’t deal with because it is too difficult to understand and too painful.

I never though I would have any more tears left for her, but it I do. And they keep running. And I am playing the song on repeat.

(Hetkessä – Elastinen & Timo Pieni Huijaus (feat.Illi))