random rambling and revelations

Due to the hot, sunny weather the back garden of my school has become a common place to spend time, pretend to study, meet people, relax and procrastinate. Surely the econometric study on the effect of sun on the number of good looking men could be useful but somehow I don’t see how it will be extended to a thesis.

Today, after last nights exam, today’s presentation and one essay I decided to take an extended lunch break. It didn’t take long until we have moved back to the topic of the week/day/this life – men(or girls, depending on who is talking). It is absolutely amazing how many hours can be spent on analysing conversations, emails, text messages, looks, behaviour and everything else in between and around. It seems like the idea of a “normal relationship” is an unknown concept and everything has to be complicated or made so if it isn’t already.

I was complaining because I had met this nice, athletic, good looking, young economist, who speaks several languages and has lived all over the place including South Africa (just around the corner from where I used to live – like literally). Any normal person would think that this is perfect. But it is not – he is leaving for Latin America in few weeks and by the time he is back in Europe I will have packed my bags and taken off to Africa for several months. So what is the point of even getting to know this guy?

We keep complaining because we are lonely and everybody else seems to be getting married and having children and a home. Why not us? Why not me? Well I am slowly starting to realise why not. It is not because all gods were evil and could not be bothered to create that ONE for me. It is not because all the good ones are taken already. It is simply because we are so busy looking for something and running after it that we don’t have time to stop for a second to breath – maybe if we did we would find it but then we would have to stop and that is not at all as much fun as looking and running.

The thing is that I am not one for compromise. That just is not my thing. My thing is me and what I want – no stings attached. So I cannot stop because of someone, I will have to do it for me, but at the moment I cannot do it for me because I don’t want to stop because I haven’t found the place I want to stop at. Maybe I just have to hope that next time my pink suitcase has company that is going to the same direction – that too can happen, right?