dream hunter

You wonder if you should take a step to the unknown. She leaped. You wonder if you knew how. She taught you. You wonder if you could. She did. A friend who's always there. A source of inspiration and admiration. Courageous, beautiful and full of amazing thoughts. She's someone so annoyingly perfect you'd want to hate her. But you can't help but love her. by iiris

Sunday, April 29, 2007

am i homesick? that can't be

Homesickness has never been part of my vocabulary because the concept itself has been unknown to me. Ever since I was a little girl I have comfortably moved from place to place and home to home. In fact my home is where my coffee mug is.

During the past week or so I have, however, been feeling extremely homesick –for Finland I think. I am not absolutely sure if it is Finland I am missing per se but at least they things and places I am longing for resemble Finland more than a lot.

I want to be able to drink my morning coffee and read the newspaper on a Sunday morning. I want to read the kids names of newborn babies out loud and comment them with a critical tone – obviously my future Roosa, Ronja, Rasmus and Roope will have much better names than any of those children in the paper.

I want to collect things, little home decoration items that have no particular use but look nice. I want to have my books in the same apartment with me and an oven in which I can bake cakes and bread and a proper kitchen in which to make food. I want to be able to empty my grandma’s fridge and freezer of berries, jams and compotes and take my findings into mine to accompany my morning porridge.

I want to start my school in the morning and go home in the afternoon and not stay there past dinner time. I also want to, on a Sunday evening “watch” the night’s film on TV, even if I am doing hundred million other things at the same time. I want to be able to get proper black candy, blueberry yoghurt and million different kinds of porridge and sour milk from the grocery shop.

I want to be able to rent a film and watch it with a huge back of pick and mix, which cost me hardly anything. I want to have double glazing in my window during the winter so that I don’t have the wind blowing inside when I am curled up on the sofa.

In fact I have no idea what I really want but I do want something else. Maybe I am just getting old and want to have safety and security or maybe I just need to move on and get something new and exciting into my life.

I told my friend I want to come back to Finland and the comment I got from him was “yeah what ever”. He has been telling me I should go back at least for a year after graduation but at the same time he thinks I would get frustrated and annoyed as soon as the autumn comes. Apparently I have lost my touch with the reality and am longing for a dream world that doesn’t really even exist.

Still, I want to read a proper newspaper in the morning and have magazines that appear into my mailbox on a monthly basis, or as often as they come out.

1 Comments:

At 11:34 PM, Blogger ii said...

toivottavasti yhdelläkään sun tulevista lapsista ei ole ärrävikaa... *grin*

 

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